Bob, Slappy, and Bear.C17
Welcome to Your Mystery Story Page 2! Here is a new page to enter your fantastic new opening story lines, paragraphs, and soon full story.
This is also the place to post two stars and a wish about the other story staters, paragraphs, and stories you read. Two stars are positive things you see in the story and your wish is constructive feedback on how to specifically improve the story.
So, to recap....which means go over again, post your writing here after you've done some in class editing with your peers and then post it online for the world to see. The other people who are part of your team online, will post 2 stars (positive things) and one wish (constructive feedback to help make the writing better). Be kind, because after all, they will do the same for you!
Note: All stories and comments need to be on this page. Please do not use the discussion area for postings
The battleship
by Bob
One day on a cloudy evening a battleship rips through the docks at B.C and crashes.30 seconds later a green mist appears and covers the battleship. Then in a flash the battleship disappears then the green mist goes with it. In 2 weeks it happens again.
Hi Bob - I liked how you set up the mystery for your story. For instance, the green mist appears, and then the battle ship is gone. I wonder why the battle ships are disappearing. My wish for you is that you show rather than tell your reader what is happening. - Mrs. Eitzen
hi bob-I rily liked it when the battle ship disappearings.-slappy
The Pancake Explosion
by Bear.C17
Hi BearC17 - I took out Mitchel's last name, because you used a real name in your story. I liked the story problem of your story. You did a good job of organizing your story in chronological order. My wish for this story, is that you develop the story problem and solution more to make it more interesting to the reader. - Mrs. Eitzen Polite
by Slappy
there was fore polite's and they wanted to go to Mexico but they had to go throw the Bermuda triangle. have way throw the Bermuda triangle one then the rest went missing except fore one. he started to look fore them but fell asleep.
Hi Slappy - Make sure you use your code name. I changed it for you. I look forward to reading the mystery of going through the Bermuda Triangle. My wish is that you would edit your sentence so that they make sense to the reader. - Mrs. Eitzen
PILOTS BY SLAPPY ONE DAY THERE WERE FOUR PILOTS AND THEY WANTED TO GO TO MEXICO. FIRST THEY HAD TO GO THROUGH THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE . ONE, THEN THE REST OF THE PILOTS, EXCEPT FOR ONE GOT LOST IN THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE. AFTER A HALF AN HOUR OF LOOKING THE ONE PILOT GOT TIRED AND FELL ASLEEP. THE PLANE STARTED TO SPIN AS SOON AS HE FELL ASLEEP UNTIL A VORTEX WAS OPENED. THEN TWO OBJECTS APPEARED FALLING OUT OF THE VORTEX. (BANG!) THE TWO FIGURES LANDED ON THE PLANE. THE FIGURES WERE AN ALIEN AND A CAVEMAN. FOR A FEW MINUTES THE PILOT THOUGHT THAT HE WAS GETTING BOMBED BY HIS ENEMIES. UNTIL HE SAW THE CAVEMAN'S HEAD IN HIS WINDSHIELD. THEN HE LET THE ALIEN AND THE CAVEMAN IN HIS PLANE. HE STARTED TO EXAMINE AND LISTEN TO THE SOUNDS THAT THE ALIEN AND THE CAVE MAN WERE MAKING. HE THEN STARTED TO UNDERSTAND WHAT THEY WHERE SAYING. HE TOLD THE CAVE MAN AND THE ALIEN THAT HIS FOUR BUDDIES WENT MISSING AND THAT HE HAD BEEN SEARCHING FOR A LONG TIME. THE ALIEN SAID, "FLYING IN A CIRCLE IS HARD". "NO", SAID THE CAVEMAN . "RUNING IN A CIRCLE FOR 6 DAYS IS HARD". "OK, I GOT A LITTLE SLEEPY, ANYHOW THAT IS OFF TOPIC. WILL YOU HELP ME FIND MY FREINDS". "YES ",SAID THE CAVE MAN AND THE ALIEN. "THERE ARE YOUR BUDDIES PLANES ON THAT ISLAND". SO THE PILOT LANDED THE PLANE AND FOUND FOOT PRINTS IN THE SAND.THEY LED TO A CAVE. THE CAVE WENT INSIDE OF A GOLDEN PYRAMID WITH ONE EYE IN THE MIDDLE. THE ALIEN AND THE CAVEMAN WENT CLOSER TO THE CAVE AND THERE WAS A TWOHEADED SNAKE AT THE OPENING. SO THE CAVEMAN TOOK A ROCK AND THREW IT AT THE SNAKE, WHACK! ONE OF THE HEADS GOT HIT, BUT THE OTHER HEAD GOT SO MAD AT THE CAVEMAN HE HYPNOTIZED THE CAVE MAN AND MADE HIM HIT HIMSELF IN THE HEAD, OUCH! "THAT HURT", SAID THE CAVE MAN AND FELL TO THE GROUND WITH A BIG BUMP ON HIS HEAD. THEN THE ALIEN SAID "STEP ASIDE, LET MY RAY FINISH HIM OFF". ZAP!! THE SNAKE FELL TO THE GROUND. THE ALEIN SAID TO THE CAVEMAN," IF YOU HAD STEPPED ASIDE FOR A MINUTE YOU WOULD NOT HAVE THAT BIG BUMP ON YOUR HEAD RIGHT NOW. NOW THAT THE SNAKE GOT TAKEN CARE OF WE CAN GO IN THE CAVE AND SAVE MY FERINDS FROM THE JOKER". SAID THE PILOT "HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT A JOKER HAD KIDNAPPED YOUR FREINDS? IT SIED RIGHT ON THE SIDE OF THE PYRAMID. OH SAID THE ALIEN. SO THEY WAKLED IN THE PYRMINT AND FOLLOWED A LIGHT. THEY HAD SEEN AT THE END OF THE TUNEL. WHEN THEY GOT TO THE END OF THE TUNEL THEY FOUND THEM SELF IN A CAGE OF BAMBOO. THE PILOT SAID TO THE CAVE MAN YOU ARE STRONG ENOUGH TO BRAKE THE BOMBOO. SO THE CAVE MAN BROKE THE BOMBOO AND THEN THE AIEN ZAPED THE JOKER (OUCH!) THAT HURIT SAID THE JOKER. BUT HE WAS STILL STANDING SO THE CAVE MAN HITT THE JOKER ON THE HEAD AND THE JOCKER FELL TO THE GROUND NUKED OUT. THEN THE CAVE MAN SAVED THE THREE OTHER PILOTS . ON THE WAY OUT OF THE PYRAMID THERE WAS THE TWO HEADED SNAKE IT HAD GROWEN BACK ITS HEADS THEN ONCE IN THE AIR THE PLOITE SAID GOOD BY TO THE CAVE MAN AND THE AIEN AND STRAED TO SPING. THE VORTEX WAS CREATED AGIAN AND THE AIEN AND THE CAVEMAN GOT SENT BACK TO THERE OWN TIME. AND THE FOUR PILOTS STRATED TO GO BACK TO GOING TO MEXICO. THEN A DROGIN POPPED OUT OF NOW WERE BUT THE PLANES WERE EQUIPED WITH MASHIN GUNS BANG BANG . DOWN WHENT THE DROGIN. SO THEY STRATED AGAIN ON THERE WAY TO MEXICO. IT TOOK ABOUT FIVE DAYS TO GET TO MEXICO BECAUSE OF A FEW DETOURS,BUT THEY GOT THERE IN ONE PICE AND THEY SAID THAT IS ALL THAT MATTERS. BUT LETS PUT THAT ASIDE AND PARTTY.
=---- =
The Battleship
by Bob
One day on a cloudy evening a battleship rips through the docks at B.C and crashes. Thirty seconds later a green mist appears and covers the battleship. Then in a flash the battleship disappears and the green mist goes with it. Gone totally off the radar is the S.S. Garfield which is a Navy Battleship painted black and orange.
Within two weeks a whole convoy disappears. The government is called in because nobody can figure out what is going on. There is no sign of the battleships, all they have to go on is a few eyewitnesses, including 5 army men. Officer Bob Del along with Officer Waddles bring their Canadian Navy troops and the CIA to investigate these strange happenings. The docks are the first to be looked at. When they find nothing, submarines are sent to look for any wreckage at the bottom of the ocean they still don’t find anything. The navy than goes all the way to Philadelphia harbor to investigate where the U.S.S. Eldridge might have been docked. They find clues at the bottom of the harbor such as cables, electric switches, and a strange type of generator. They take these things to analyze and try to find finger prints and to see how it worked. The generator looked like it was recently dumped around two weeks ago. They find a finger print match to a man named Dan Dixon. Dan Dixon is the boss of the North American Mafia. Now the navy needs to find out what Dan Dixon wants with the battle ships, and how or where to find him. The C.I.A pulls up files on Dan Dixon and the North American Mafia. According to the files, Dan Dixon and the North American Mafia have been trying to put together a huge military to take over North America. The C.I.A and the Canadian military talk to old members of his gang that have been caught. One member of his gang says that “he is a traitor and he’s planning on taking over the world!” Another ex-member tells them that “Dan Dixon has gone crazy, he’s psycho!” The third person says “He wants a whole bunch of battleships and wants to control the seas and oceans…” The fourth person they talked to used to be his best friend. He said “Dan Dixon wants to copy the Philadelphia Experiment. He wants to take over the entire world, control everything and everyone!” A newly captured member of the gang says where Dan Dixon’s favorite places are, like Outlaws Saloon in Rosedale. The C.I.A and Canadian military surround Outlaws Saloon with 10 spies inside. They go inside but he isn’t in there. They go to Washington to go to his second favorite bar called Gambler’s Bar. Now everybody in North America is looking for Dan Dixon. They catch him in the bar except he has a whole bunch of his body guards there. There’s a big old fashioned bar fight! Dan Dixon loses. They bring him in and charge him with third degree murder. He’s put into a top secret prison for the rest of his life and they get Dan Dixon to tell them where he’s hiding all the battleships. The story makes headlines on almost every newspaper in the world. His entire mafia is put into prisons all around the world that are heavily guarded.
Bob, Slappy, and Bear.C17
Welcome to Your Mystery Story Page 2! Here is a new page to enter your fantastic new opening story lines, paragraphs, and soon full story.
This is also the place to post two stars and a wish about the other story staters, paragraphs, and stories you read. Two stars are positive things you see in the story and your wish is constructive feedback on how to specifically improve the story.
So, to recap....which means go over again, post your writing here after you've done some in class editing with your peers and then post it online for the world to see. The other people who are part of your team online, will post 2 stars (positive things) and one wish (constructive feedback to help make the writing better). Be kind, because after all, they will do the same for you!
Note: All stories and comments need to be on this page. Please do not use the discussion area for postings
The battleship
by Bob
One day on a cloudy evening a battleship rips through the docks at B.C and crashes.30 seconds later a green mist appears and covers the battleship. Then in a flash the battleship disappears then the green mist goes with it. In 2 weeks it happens again.
Hi Bob - I liked how you set up the mystery for your story. For instance, the green mist appears, and then the battle ship is gone. I wonder why the battle ships are disappearing. My wish for you is that you show rather than tell your reader what is happening. - Mrs. Eitzen
hi bob-I rily liked it when the battle ship disappearings.-slappy
The Pancake Explosion
by Bear.C17
Hi BearC17 - I took out Mitchel's last name, because you used a real name in your story. I liked the story problem of your story. You did a good job of organizing your story in chronological order. My wish for this story, is that you develop the story problem and solution more to make it more interesting to the reader. - Mrs. Eitzen
Polite
by Slappy
there was fore polite's and they wanted to go to Mexico but they had to go throw the Bermuda triangle. have way throw the Bermuda triangle one then the rest went missing except fore one. he started to look fore them but fell asleep.
Hi Slappy - Make sure you use your code name. I changed it for you. I look forward to reading the mystery of going through the Bermuda Triangle. My wish is that you would edit your sentence so that they make sense to the reader. - Mrs. Eitzen
PILOTS BY SLAPPY ONE DAY THERE WERE FOUR PILOTS AND THEY WANTED TO GO TO MEXICO. FIRST THEY HAD TO GO THROUGH THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE . ONE, THEN THE REST OF THE PILOTS, EXCEPT FOR ONE GOT LOST IN THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE. AFTER A HALF AN HOUR OF LOOKING THE ONE PILOT GOT TIRED AND FELL ASLEEP. THE PLANE STARTED TO SPIN AS SOON AS HE FELL ASLEEP UNTIL A VORTEX WAS OPENED. THEN TWO OBJECTS APPEARED FALLING OUT OF THE VORTEX. (BANG!) THE TWO FIGURES LANDED ON THE PLANE. THE FIGURES WERE AN ALIEN AND A CAVEMAN. FOR A FEW MINUTES THE PILOT THOUGHT THAT HE WAS GETTING BOMBED BY HIS ENEMIES. UNTIL HE SAW THE CAVEMAN'S HEAD IN HIS WINDSHIELD. THEN HE LET THE ALIEN AND THE CAVEMAN IN HIS PLANE. HE STARTED TO EXAMINE AND LISTEN TO THE SOUNDS THAT THE ALIEN AND THE CAVE MAN WERE MAKING. HE THEN STARTED TO UNDERSTAND WHAT THEY WHERE SAYING. HE TOLD THE CAVE MAN AND THE ALIEN THAT HIS FOUR BUDDIES WENT MISSING AND THAT HE HAD BEEN SEARCHING FOR A LONG TIME. THE ALIEN SAID, "FLYING IN A CIRCLE IS HARD". "NO", SAID THE CAVEMAN . "RUNING IN A CIRCLE FOR 6 DAYS IS HARD". "OK, I GOT A LITTLE SLEEPY, ANYHOW THAT IS OFF TOPIC. WILL YOU HELP ME FIND MY FREINDS". "YES ",SAID THE CAVE MAN AND THE ALIEN. "THERE ARE YOUR BUDDIES PLANES ON THAT ISLAND". SO THE PILOT LANDED THE PLANE AND FOUND FOOT PRINTS IN THE SAND.THEY LED TO A CAVE. THE CAVE WENT INSIDE OF A GOLDEN PYRAMID WITH ONE EYE IN THE MIDDLE. THE ALIEN AND THE CAVEMAN WENT CLOSER TO THE CAVE AND THERE WAS A TWO HEADED SNAKE AT THE OPENING. SO THE CAVEMAN TOOK A ROCK AND THREW IT AT THE SNAKE, WHACK! ONE OF THE HEADS GOT HIT, BUT THE OTHER HEAD GOT SO MAD AT THE CAVEMAN HE HYPNOTIZED THE CAVE MAN AND MADE HIM HIT HIMSELF IN THE HEAD, OUCH! "THAT HURT", SAID THE CAVE MAN AND FELL TO THE GROUND WITH A BIG BUMP ON HIS HEAD. THEN THE ALIEN SAID "STEP ASIDE, LET MY RAY FINISH HIM OFF". ZAP!! THE SNAKE FELL TO THE GROUND. THE ALEIN SAID TO THE CAVEMAN," IF YOU HAD STEPPED ASIDE FOR A MINUTE YOU WOULD NOT HAVE THAT BIG BUMP ON YOUR HEAD RIGHT NOW. NOW THAT THE SNAKE GOT TAKEN CARE OF WE CAN GO IN THE CAVE AND SAVE MY FERINDS FROM THE JOKER". SAID THE PILOT "HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT A JOKER HAD KIDNAPPED YOUR FREINDS? IT SIED RIGHT ON THE SIDE OF THE PYRAMID. OH SAID THE ALIEN. SO THEY WAKLED IN THE PYRMINT AND FOLLOWED A LIGHT. THEY HAD SEEN AT THE END OF THE TUNEL. WHEN THEY GOT TO THE END OF THE TUNEL THEY FOUND THEM SELF IN A CAGE OF BAMBOO. THE PILOT SAID TO THE CAVE MAN YOU ARE STRONG ENOUGH TO BRAKE THE BOMBOO. SO THE CAVE MAN BROKE THE BOMBOO AND THEN THE AIEN ZAPED THE JOKER (OUCH!) THAT HURIT SAID THE JOKER. BUT HE WAS STILL STANDING SO THE CAVE MAN HITT THE JOKER ON THE HEAD AND THE JOCKER FELL TO THE GROUND NUKED OUT. THEN THE CAVE MAN SAVED THE THREE OTHER PILOTS . ON THE WAY OUT OF THE PYRAMID THERE WAS THE TWO HEADED SNAKE IT HAD GROWEN BACK ITS HEADS THEN ONCE IN THE AIR THE PLOITE SAID GOOD BY TO THE CAVE MAN AND THE AIEN AND STRAED TO SPING. THE VORTEX WAS CREATED AGIAN AND THE AIEN AND THE CAVEMAN GOT SENT BACK TO THERE OWN TIME. AND THE FOUR PILOTS STRATED TO GO BACK TO GOING TO MEXICO. THEN A DROGIN POPPED OUT OF NOW WERE BUT THE PLANES WERE EQUIPED WITH MASHIN GUNS BANG BANG . DOWN WHENT THE DROGIN. SO THEY STRATED AGAIN ON THERE WAY TO MEXICO. IT TOOK ABOUT FIVE DAYS TO GET TO MEXICO BECAUSE OF A FEW DETOURS,BUT THEY GOT THERE IN ONE PICE AND THEY SAID THAT IS ALL THAT MATTERS. BUT LETS PUT THAT ASIDE AND PARTTY.
=----=
The Battleship
by Bob
One day on a cloudy evening a battleship rips through the docks at B.C and crashes. Thirty seconds later a green mist appears and covers the battleship. Then in a flash the battleship disappears and the green mist goes with it. Gone totally off the radar is the S.S. Garfield which is a Navy Battleship painted black and orange.
Within two weeks a whole convoy disappears. The government is called in because nobody can figure out what is going on. There is no sign of the battleships, all they have to go on is a few eyewitnesses, including 5 army men. Officer Bob Del along with Officer Waddles bring their Canadian Navy troops and the CIA to investigate these strange happenings.The docks are the first to be looked at. When they find nothing, submarines are sent to look for any wreckage at the bottom of the ocean they still don’t find anything. The navy than goes all the way to Philadelphia harbor to investigate where the U.S.S.
Eldridge might have been docked. They find clues at the bottom of the harbor such as cables, electric switches, and a strange type of generator. They take these things to analyze and try to find finger prints and to see how it worked. The generator looked like it was recently dumped around two weeks ago. They find a finger print match to a man named Dan Dixon.
Dan Dixon is the boss of the North American Mafia. Now the navy needs to find out what Dan Dixon wants with the battle ships, and how or where to find him.
The C.I.A pulls up files on Dan Dixon and the North American Mafia. According to the files, Dan Dixon and the North American Mafia have been trying to put together a huge military to take over North America. The C.I.A and the Canadian military talk to old members of his gang that have been caught. One member of his gang says that “he is a traitor and he’s planning on taking over the world!” Another ex-member tells them that “Dan Dixon has gone crazy, he’s psycho!” The third person says “He wants a whole bunch of battleships and wants to control the seas and oceans…” The fourth person they talked to used to be his best friend. He said “Dan Dixon wants to copy the Philadelphia Experiment. He wants to take over the entire world, control everything and everyone!” A newly captured member of the gang says where Dan Dixon’s favorite places are, like Outlaws Saloon in Rosedale.
The C.I.A and Canadian military surround Outlaws Saloon with 10 spies inside. They go inside but he isn’t in there. They go to Washington to go to his second favorite bar called Gambler’s Bar. Now everybody in North America is looking for Dan Dixon. They catch him in the bar except he has a whole bunch of his body guards there. There’s a big old fashioned bar fight! Dan Dixon loses. They bring him in and charge him with third degree murder. He’s put into a top secret prison for the rest of his life and they get Dan Dixon to tell them where he’s hiding all the battleships. The story makes headlines on almost every newspaper in the world. His entire mafia is put into prisons all around the world that are heavily guarded.